I've sat down to write this update more than a handful of times over the past couple of weeks, and I've really struggled to conquer my words. I want to tell the world how wonderful life is now that my darling girl is finally in my arms, but I also don't want to shadow the magic that is my relationship with my husband. I want to try to put into words how the love I have for my daughter is so strong, so pure, so raw and true, and yet I am struggling to describe just how I feel, because truly the feelings I have are beyond indescribable.
On the 25th of February, after a lengthy and traumatic pregnancy and birth experience, our Cub arrived safely Earthside and suddenly everything else surrounding her, surrounding us, became so obsolete. Almost immediately my husband and I were in tears, simply overwhelmed by her presence. That first newborn cry had both of us blubbering like fools. I can remember my husband confirming that she was our Audrey-Lee (we had this name in our sights from early in the pregnancy, but had back up names just incase it didn't suit her) as he beamed like any new father would. I have never seen him so happy, so glad and so overwhelmed by emotion, and it was so beautiful to see him hold her for the first time.
When she was put on my chest for our first cuddle she looked at me with eyes that told me she knew who I was. That moment was another I will forever cherish.
The past three weeks have been full of some of the most amazing times of my life, and some of the hardest. As we get used to this new "normal", I'm learning more about my little girl and about myself, not only as her mother, but as a woman. Unsolicited advice is being thrown about like confetti, and the amount of comments about a second baby has been truly overwhelming, but I'm just taking it all in my stride. For me, all that matters now is that my daughter, my husband and I are happy and healthy. The rest can be banked for later.
Thank you to the family and friends who have made their well wishes felt by visits, deliveries of sushi or other sustenance or heart felt messages. I feel so grateful that my tribe is surrounded by so many thoughtful souls.
Monday, March 20, 2017
Thursday, February 23, 2017
Responding to every phone call and text message with "no, no baby yet." must be a sign that I'm overdue, but here I am 38 weeks pregnant and I've still got two weeks until Cub's due date. I'll be honest, I'm trying not to go insane, between not being able to get comfortable, dealing with late pregnancy onset nausea and strangers telling me I'm baked, combined with two too good to be true false labour experiences. Yeah, pregnancy is a blast, especially the last month.
I've been on maternity leave since the end of January, and finding myself feeling stuck, without the energy to go on adventures, and without the stimulation of work to keep my mind satisfied. I had been studying up until the start of February, but now I've stripped all that away, for a time that should allegedly be filled up with nesting. With a nursery already decked out, a house that I keep tidy and organised even at the worst of times and drawers filled to the brim with freshly washed little baby socks and onesies, there's not much more I can do. I've most recently tasked myself with finding the most appropriate, darling cactus for our balcony, so we shall see how long that entertains me.
Taking a step back from my current state of impatient, bored anguish, this past three months has been filled with some of the most amazing moments and some of the most horrific. In December, just as I was transitioning into the third trimester, I was hospitalised with a suspected preterm labour. My body took me through some intensive contractions, which thankfully stopped when given a stern talking to by my obstetrician. You can never be prepared for the moment someone tells you that your baby may be coming, three months early, and have a such and such percent chance of survival. It was one of the scariest nights of my life, but we came through, and little Cub is still tucked up in my womb ten weeks later.
The next month saw me settle down a little bit, at the hospitals request. I had to push aside unnecessary stress, and focus on relaxing. I did prenatal yoga. I slept in on weekends. I reduced my social calendar.
Then only a few weeks ago, I was in hospital again, with a severe case of stomach bug. If five days with no food, two days of consistent vomiting, four bags of fluids and one iron infusion have showed me anything it's that my body can withstand alot and still nurture my Cub. Whilst I was feeling like death, she was happily growing away, with not a care in the world. If I didn't have a respect for what my body was capable of already, that experience certainly would have shone the light on the miracle of pregnancy.
Now I'm back home, awaiting the signs of my little girl's journey Earthside. With each contraction, each lower back twinge, each movement, I anticipate her arrival. Whilst it is difficult waiting, I have to trust that she knows the right time and isn't just doing this to keep me from poached eggs and sushi.
Photos by Katrina Lee Boultwood
Dress from Spell Designs
Monday, February 13, 2017
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Because I like to mix things up, I'm sharing some glorious wintery vibes from our trip to New Zealand in the middle of an Australian Summer. Partly because so many people I know have just celebrated a white Christmas somewhere from afar, and partly because I've not shared any of my travel diaries from New Zealand yet.
Back in August, we ventured to the south island of New Zealand, when I was 9 weeks pregnant, for a winter celebration of the birthdays of both my darling husband and I. Each year we go somewhere new and having visited the desert in 2015, it made perfect sense to build snowmen in 2016. The drive to Queenstown from Christchurch took longer than anticipated, as we picked the hire car up at 6:30am and didn't arrive at our destination until well after 4pm. There were road closures, blizzards and wrong turns, along with some sight seeing and my nauseous pregnant state that all contributed to numerous delays.... but come on, we can't complain, look at how pretty the drive was!